Quick Time Review: Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance DEMO

I was pretty excited to try out Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. Ok, not really excited; more curious. I had just hooked up my 360 to begin playing Bayonetta (review coming soon) when I saw somewhere in the vast ocean of the internet that Revengeance would be hitting the Xbox Marketplace the next day. After playing Platinum Games' angel-kilingl, stripteasing witch IP, which is the same developer of MGR, I started to get a little nervous. Without spoiling my next review, let me just say my initial reaction to Bayonetta involved a lot of FUCKs and CUNTs. But Despite my luke warm reaction, I still wanted to give Rev-

(Alright. I got to stop just for a minute. The subtitle of REVENGEANCE is the stupidest thing I have ever heard or even read. What was so wrong with Metal Gear Rising or Solid: Rising? I understand Platinum Games wanted to make the game there own, but adding some retarded made up word just makes me cringe. For the rest of this review, or rather first impressions of a demo, I will be calling this game some thing less stupid and more appropriated...)

But despite my luke warm reaction, I still wanted to give Pussy-bot Man Solid, or PMS, a chance. Well I didn't get a chance to give the game a chance because I had to wait a whole week since I'm a cheapskate and only have a Silver Account on XBox Live. So I waited and played Bayonette, finally got the demo, and kind of forgot to play PMS. A few weeks ago I saw the game on sale at Target and thought "Oh shit. It's the 20th. My credit card bill is due." After paying my bill I sat down to play PMS. 

I am a huge fan of Metal Gear Solid. While I had been a gamer for nearly ten year, in 2002 when I first got a taste of Metal Gear, my world changed. MGS became my Zelda or Mario or Final Fantasy or whatever. It turned me into a die hard, Playstation Fanboy, Gaming Nerd. Nothing else in my life had that effect on me with the exception of Dragonball Z. I felt, if nothing else, I owed it to myself and Hideo Kojima, to play. Of course I felt the same way about Metal Gear Acid, but I didn't fucking hate that game!

PMS is terrible. God awful. I could say "its just not my cup of tea" but Holy Hell: This is my cup of tea; Just it's served boiling hot in a melting cup. The combat, from movement to blade mode was clumsy. The camera would constantly follow to closely, causing me to lose track of enemies. Using sub-weapons felt awkward and slowed the action to a suicidal halt. And the paring system is simply atrocious. How on the tip of Jupiter's uncut cock can someone make the attack button and the block button  he SAME FUCKING BUTTON. If you haven't played this game yet just try to imagine in the middle of battle having to jerk the left analog stick in the direction of an incoming attack and hit the X button at exactly the same time at exact right split second to stop said attack. Bayonetta's dodge system boiled down to a timing mini game but it wasn't that bad after a while. And I'm sure its the same thing with PMS but a 15 long demo wasn't enough time. If fact, that demo makes me not want to play the game ever again.

I know PMS has gotten great reviews, and it's success may even lead to a sequel. You know what? That's fine. Because a Metal Gear without stealth action is just not the Metal Gear for me. Plus I know there is no way I could get through either games without a lot of FUCKs and FAGs.